First I will like to say that I came up with these rules after visiting   Pansy's site.  She has a set of rules there that made me laugh hysterically.     Hers are generic for all females.. I thought I would take it one step further    and have it applicable to me.. at least you will have a better clue as to   what it is you are getting yourself into here.. <grin>  As obnoxious,   self centered and egotistical as what you are about to read may sound (well..   I think I will leave you guessing on that one.. <smirk>)

At the bottom of this page you will find a link to Pansy's rules.. however, you must read through mine first <smile>

  1. I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.   (If that makes no sense to you..you are in more trouble than you thought)

  2. If you think you are right ... well, you are obviously wrong.

  3. Please don't get tangled up in what I say and pay attention to what I mean.

  4. Say exactly what you mean, if there is a loophole in what you said,  I will find it and later remind you of you own exact words.

  5. If you are confused with #3 and #4 above, you are probably under the delusional impression that #3 applied to you too.  Allow me to direct you in the right path, it does not!

  6. If you think you know all my rules. just wait until you do something I don't like..

  7. All rules are subject to change without prior notice.   (of course, that is irrelevant since I am not about to tell you what the rules are until I find you breaking one).

  8. I never change my mind.  At most, I may arrive at a new conclusion based on facts you omitted in the first place.

  9. You are welcome to change your mind and be of my same opinion at any time you wish.. I wouldn't mind at all.

  10. I don't touch, kiss or hug as most females do.  I like my space and any apparent violation of that space will carry penalties beyond your comprehension.

  11. I would say I like being on pedestals if my prior falls from those hadn't been so brutal.

  12. I have the right to be angry at any time I wish, for any reason I wish.

  13. You don't have the right to upset me for any reason.

  14. I shouldn't have to tell you what to say or do.. you should be able to read my mind at all times and do exactly what pleases me.

  15. Of course, these rules apply to everyone but me.



The above has been created for entertainment purposes only.. no one is really that awful... right??? <smirk>  Any similarities to any persons dead or alive is purely coincidental

Now.. for a visit to the original set of rules <smile> (Pansy, lock   the doors and windows, they are on their way) * Pansy's Rules* (she is far worse, mind you, she has 20 rules I have   only 15 <grin>).



In an effort to assist with mankind survival I thought it was only fair to disclose some critical meanings to some often considered "ordinary" words and phrases (sorry ladies, but we do need them and we need some of them to survive).

Women's Key Words And Their Meaning:

** Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

** Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

** Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

** Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

** Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

** Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

** Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content.  Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

** That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done.  "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

** Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

** Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

** Thanks A Lot: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Oh Nothing."


















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